


Please

by MeowCho



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Gen, POV Second Person, Sad, rip suga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-07-14 14:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7175279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeowCho/pseuds/MeowCho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world wouldn't stop for something like this.<br/>The world didn't care enough.<br/>The world wouldn't make a special cliche.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please

_“Hey? Are you okay?”_

_“Daichi?”_

You couldn’t believe it. You could not believe what was happening. Everything was wrong, nothing felt right.

Your friend, Asahi, is trying to comfort you. It’s not working. Why would it work? You imagine what you must look like; your face still having the same shocked expression, your eyes not focusing on anything, and bags darker than the night under your eyes. You looked as though someone had killed someone close to you, which was pretty close to what was happening.

Asahi is calling your name, trying to get your attention. He’s not very strong though, so he starts to break down too. Everyone is slowing down. Everyone meaning your second family. You are the captain, yet you are the most out of it.

 _Who’s going to blame me?_ You ask yourself. To be fair, you had kept it together for about 3 days. However, Asahi became worried about _his_ absence, and about you. He went to _his_ house, and _his_ mom told him. Because you couldn’t bring yourself to.

You thought that if you denied it long enough, it wouldn’t be true. No, you never really thought that. You hoped.

Hope will only take you so far. Hope won’t revive the dead, hope won’t save the world, hope won’t even help you on that damn test.

“ _What’s wrong with Daichi?_ ”

“ _Is practice being delayed?_ ”

“ _Where’s Suga-san?”_

You felt a cold stone fall on you. You couldn’t do it. There was no way. Not with the way you are feeling. Not this constant dragging chain, not the pitying smiles you see, none of that.

But you do. You do because you know that even if _he’s_ gone, you’re still around. You do because the world won’t wait for you.

“Sugawara can no longer join us for practice,” is all you say. You don’t need to give an explanation, Asahi managed to. You look at the floor. It’s the same wooden floor, nothing changed. You look at the walls, and they’re the same wooden walls.

You look at your team, and everything has changed.

* * *

Seven days after, and you feel no different. Your parents are trying to talk to you, your friends are, your team is. You don’t put on a fake face and say “Oh it’s okay! Everything will get better!” because you know no one would believe that. You don’t believe it.

The world is still moving. Nothing has changed. There are sales at stores, limited-time offers at restaurants, and new movies coming out. You were going to see a movie with _him_ today. _He_ really wanted to see it; it was something he had been excited about since it was in the making.

People will say there is a grieving process. The first step is denial. You suppose that’s true, because you did do that. The second step is anger.

You are not angry.

When you look again, the website says “These steps do not happen in an exact order.” Oh.

The computer beeps, signalling a low battery. You don’t do anything except stare at it. There is a bowl on your desk with different fruits. Your mother says the fruit will help calm your mind. She doesn’t believe you when you say you are calm.

Your coach let the team take a few days off, but today practice resumed. You didn’t go. Not because you didn’t want to practice, but because you couldn’t bring yourself to look another person in the eye.

Nishinoya had texted you, and you had replied. He asked how you were doing and you said you were tired. He texted you before practice started, so you assumed he had carried on the message, because you had not received anymore text.

* * *

23 days after. You had been going to practice for the past 4 days. Your team was happy to see you. You don’t know how you feel, but perhaps instead of feeling blank you are starting to feel more sad. Perhaps you were still in denial.

Practice is the same, except less shouting from you. The first years are sad, you can tell, but they’re able to pretend to be happy. The second years were quiet. You and Asahi are quiet too. You let the first years have their fun, they’re not disrespecting anyone, and you don’t expect them to feel the same loss.

When practice is over, you pack your things at a medium pace, and then walk to class or to home, depending on the time of day. Your teachers put the pieces together and know what had happened.

 _Sometimes_ , you think, _It’s just easier to not know_.

* * *

It’s about a month and a half later. You act a bit more like you.

You get your team together. You had realized that they were getting out of shape and getting sloppy. You talk to the coach and discuss ideas for new drills or practice routines. He seems happy to know that you’re better.

You suppose you are better.

The first years are a bit more loud, especially Hinata. The second years are about the same. Asahi is talking a bit more, and seems set on becoming more brave. You are the captain. You keep your team together, but beyond that nothing has changed. You don’t talk much.

You look up “grieving” and “the 5 steps of grieving” on the internet. You are passed denial, but you don’t feel you fit much in with the other steps.

Maybe because you’re actually still in denial.

* * *

 

A little over two months later, and you realize that you are angry.

There’s a hole in your wall, and hot tears running down your face. Asahi had come over to study, but you were getting so irritated. You snapped.

“ _Daichi, I just don’t think that’s the right answer.”_

“ _How would you know?! You’re not even good at math! You’re not good at anything are you?!” You yelled. You slammed your first into the wall, not meaning to break it. Asahi is shocked. You rest your head on the wall, and point to the door._

You are now alone. Left with a broken wall, a bleeding fist, and hot fiery rage.

* * *

Three months later, and you watched the movie.

You imagined watching it with _him_ . Laughing at the funny parts, gasping in shock at surprising parts, and hearing _him_ cry at the sad parts.

When the movie ends and the credits roll, you look over next to you.

 _He_ isn’t there. But you already knew that.

You know he isn’t there anymore.

The world knew that before you did. It never stopped moving. It carried on. The cars drove on the same roads, the birds flew to the same trees. The sun set in the same way. The rain fell in the same way. There wasn’t an extra star in the sky. You didn’t see _his_ face in glass.

As the credits rolled, you wept silently.

The world wouldn’t make a cliche for you, your case wasn’t special.

So you wept, knowing that _he_ or anyone else wouldn’t be able to see your tears.

**Author's Note:**

> woow  
> so i was listening to JoyDreamer's piano cover of Ikanaide which makes me feel really sad and feel-y  
> certain phrases and words are repeated a lot, so i just want to say that was intentional  
> fuuucckk this song is sad


End file.
